Saturday, March 31, 2012

A decade

A decade ago I met this guy and we went on our first date--to see Panic Room. It is a wonder we made it to a second date after that terrible movie! A decade later we are hanging out in recliners watching our kiddos play Wii, drinking coffee, and just generally enjoying one another's company. I think that is how I would describe us best--we just genuinely enjoy being around one another. I can't imagine my life without him.

We have been through a lot in our 10 years. We have grieved, mourned and wailed (with me doing most of the wailing-Corey isn't much of a crier). But we have also rejoiced. And laughed. We laugh A LOT.

We have changed over the years too. We've changed addresses; we've changed churches; we've changed hairstyles--the beard is the newest facial hairstyle for him :); The dreams we had when we first met have transformed into new dreams. But with every season, I am reminded that I love this guy-he is my best friend. I'm looking forward to another decade (by then we will have teenagers--pray for us!)

Thursday, March 29, 2012

It's okay to not be okay

"It's okay to not be okay"  has been the motto of the women I am closest with for the last year or so.  And today while I was running, it was part of my conversation with God. You see I have been learning a lot lately-to the point of being slightly overwhelmed. 

We started a new study in our community group reading the book of James. So I am learning "be a DOER of the Word and not just a HEARER." And I have been doing a bible study with my friend Ellen about Paul. So I've been learning about being SPIRIT LED and SPIRIT FILLED. And at church we have been studying Mark-last week was very introspective-looking at what kind of people we are. Am I a hypocrite-an actor? Or am I LIVING OUT MY FAITH on a daily basis. And then I started reading Crazy Love, and I am wondering if I am "LUKEWARM."

So today while running I had a real honest conversation with God. And I laid it all out there. I've been a believer for the last 14 years. I know all the right phrases; I know all the right passages; I know all the cliches. But I don't have a clue how to DO any of them. What does it mean to "take up my cross daily"? How do I "die to myself"?  How do I know if I am "bearing good fruit" or doing "What Jesus would do" or "quenching the Spirit"? These phrases are ones that I am quick to say. But unless I DO THEM, what good is it? 

I have been reading a blog about Christian cliches by a lady named Addie Zierman. She writes about all the Christian cliches and tries to get to the bottom of their meaning and purpose and give a new perspective on old words that have lost a lot of their vigor. And as I read these posts, I realize that I have been stuck saying empty phrases that do no good because I don't live them out. I am like the man in James who "looks at his face in a mirror, and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." (James 1:23-24). It seems ridiculous. But that is how James describes a person who looks into the Word and doesn't DO what it says.  

In case you are hoping for some amazing revelation that I had on my run, I will let you know now that I did not have one. But I do think I've figured out that the culmination of all these revelations is a real desire to figure this stuff out. I am tired of being okay with half-hearted explanations and trite responses like "I'll be praying for you." So I have to put my fear of the unknown aside and dig in.  I mentioned a couple posts ago that I have been avidly listening to the new David Crowder Band album, and one of the songs is particularly powerful to me. It is called "Sometimes" and the bridge is amazing. It says:

It's Your love that we adore 
It's like a sea without a shore
Don't be afraid
Just set your sails
and risk the ocean
it's only GRACE

Jumping into the Word--into prayer--into non-wishy-washy faith is scary. But I am convinced that a life with Jesus is life to the full (John 10:10). It's worth the risk.

PS I wrote this partly because I don't want to have this moment of clarity and then do nothing (again). I saw this on fb today and thought it was funny because it is so true (a movie, a book, a sermon etc)

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Randomness of a Law Student with no Law things to do...

I have been trying to savor this LAST spring break. Not that I will never have a day off again, but I will no longer be a student in about a month. Which means no spring break, no week off at Thanksgiving, no month off at Christmas.  I will be in the grown up world for the first time ever (I went from undergrad to babies to law school, so I've never really been a nine-to-fiver).

So what have I been doing?

Cleaning, reading, cooking, watching TV, getting in the Word and spending some much needed time with those fine people I call my family. We have gone bike-riding, played lots of Wii (Joe is obsessed), read books, had special movie nights, baked and had lots of snuggle time.  I love these folks. Here are some photos that capture the absolute beauty of the last few days...

I have more to share - especially about some of the awesome truths God has been teaching me about living this crazy life of mine. But that requires more time than I have at this moment. So until tomorrow...

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Lovely weather...Lovely music

I am still in the throes of writing...and reading...and taking practice exams. HOWEVER, the weather has been lovely. (Today it is 78 and sunny-WHAT?).  It can completely change my mood and my productivity levels. Over the weekend, I was able to study some outside; soak up some Vitamin D; feel more human than hermit, hovering over my laptop 8-10 hours a day. (AND STILL GET 35 pages written). And it is only a few more days. Not that the remaining 5 weeks of school will be cake...but it will be BETTER. 

AND...I have been listening to some really wonderful music. If iTunes could wear out I think that I might have worn this song out on the new David Crowder Band Album --("Give Us Rest or (a requiem mass in c [the happiest of all keys]), and probably the song "Sometimes" as well (and "Oh My God" and "Sequence 4"). I am slightly obsessed....just go buy the album. It's worth it.

On that note, I must go and continue to pound the pavement--just keep swimming--run the good race. The weather and the music making the work that I have to do a little bit less painful.

Friday, March 2, 2012

the woes of writing

One of the reasons I have not posted lately is that writing is taking up ALL MY TIME. I write memos and complaints. I write loan documents and essays. I am writing all the time.

And I don't even really like writing.  I was a MATH MAJOR. While I think I write well, it takes forever. It is draining. So thinking of writing on the blog after all the hours of painful legal writing is just no fun.

BUT tomorrow is Barristers Ball, and my friend Lu and I are going to spend the day making food and hanging out. NOT WRITING. NO WRITING. (except probably in the morning when I have to work on my App Ad brief). So I will certainly post photos of us in our lovely dresses-and our men in their fine clothes. It should be a blast-and our last one to boot. I look forward to blogging that.
In the meantime...I will be over here-writing <sigh>